Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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