ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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