I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
he spent an hour trying to rescue a bug from the sink. turned out to be a sesame seed.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
