your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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