Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
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