I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
Randomize
