Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
he asked me where I was going to school, and then we started having sex, and I answered his question forty five minutes later after we were done. It was the chilliest thing ever.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
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