I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
She tried to cook Velveeta IN the oven on clean mode.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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