mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Randomize
