Porn is love you can see.
I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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