I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I got groped on the dancefloor by both grooms. I love gay weddings
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Wow. A quad shot of peppermint schnapps. I feel like I just deep throated a candy cane. Best 21st ever.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Randomize
