the third sister isn't as attractive as the other two but I will do her anyway to finally pull off the fabled family hat trick.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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