EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
All I remember is doing a naked tuck and roll of your bed.
Just had such a rough shit, don't stop believin had to be played
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
