she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
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Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
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and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
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