The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Watched a women out our tannin salon literally fight police because she was getting arrested for trying to drunkenly fight the tanning salon owner...we need to step up our day drinking this is shameful.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
