Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
a girl in my class is on a twilight fan site and running her fingers on the screen as edwards body comes up.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
In related news... Actually, nope. I don't have any orgy-related news. You win.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
When the bouncer wouldn't let you back in you screamed "Authority is not given you to deny the return of the king!" and ran past him.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
