would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
He managed to completely creep out every girl I was with last night. It was almost inspiring how efficient it was.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
the gays at disneyland are vicious
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
