Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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