highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
