Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
