I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
it was like 6 shots in and he was automatically my type
Randomize
