he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
Randomize
