so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
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