True but thats because hes a fetus.
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
