I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
Randomize
