I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
i used the pictures of vaginas in your biology book to jack off.
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
I peed in a 7/11 last night. Like literally pretended I pretended I was shopping, looked around, and peed on boxes in the corner. No more tequila
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
