tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
It sounds like heaven mixed with world peace and orgasms. The acoustics in this car are awesome. Or it's the weed idk either way it's great
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
Yeah...don't think he was sober. He kept screaming "I fucking love this game!". It was his Chase app.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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