Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
Randomize
