How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Randomize
