I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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