I wannas sexs uuuuu
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
