so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
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