he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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