if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
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