She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
I'm wearing the bright blue sombrero all through the airport as a sign of triumph that I survived spring break. I'm getting compliments
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I came home to burning cookies and him outside "tanning" naked.
He just wants an even tan
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
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