i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
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