This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
So, just so you know... Your vasectomy worked.
bonus
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
i proceeded to stick my hands in his pants while he continued to repeat i have a girlfriend
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Randomize
