i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
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