Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
He was saying things like "cum for me like a good girl" and "put my entire python I like to call a dick in your mouth" .. Okay I might have changed that one a bit
that's where you went wrong. never assume I'm adult enough to do something on my own.
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
Randomize
