Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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