he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
We're not piercing ourselves today.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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