I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
while we were making out your friend starting kissing my toes and all you had to say was "just go with it"
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
