Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
How does it feel to date your dad?
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
