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i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
okay I may or may not have wrapped my body pillow up in your t-shirt and sprayed it with your axe and am now spooning with it.
again? I'm starting to get a little creeped out now.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
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