why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
