then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
its totally unfair that im just as ill-prepared as a 16 year old but there's no tv show for 25 and pregnant.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
