I never want to see another naked old woman again.
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
