No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
