Fun fact: he pulled out my nuva ring while he was fingering me.. he looked really confused at me and it a couple of times, so i just said "surprise! not only is it good for pleasure, it's also really handy for storing plastic toys." I'm thinking he's definately gonna call.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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