Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Randomize
