Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
We got jeff a deep fryer for his bday. So far the count is two potatoes and your iPod.
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
