areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
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