If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
So after tonight I now have 6 Harry Potter movies left to get laid to. Before tonight it was 8. Fucking right
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
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