Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
He keeps bees of course he's weird
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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