this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
I'll say this one last time. You are TWENTY FIVE YEARS OLD. You are not going to die alone and this is not the twilight of your life. Stop taking shrooms on your period!!!!
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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