you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Remembering you have vodka in the freezer gives the same surge of happiness as finding 20 bucks in a coat pocket.
Randomize
