between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
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