You'd love this place it's beautiful. Plus these people smell like garlic
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
When did we convert life to cartoon?
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Randomize
