i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
so my mom told me to suck on something if I have to cough. so I guess blow jobs are ok
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
sometimes i wish i could find another girl that loves my dick as much as she does
i feel like she has dreams of it being like a person saying hey lets go play
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Randomize
