My liver just broke up with me...
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I am high playing guitar hero naked. Please don't let me die this way
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
