if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
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