So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
