I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
I am available for nakedness
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
