ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Randomize
