A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
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