It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
Randomize
