Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
I have yet found the courage to put pants on. No judgement thursday led to no shower friday and now no pants saturday. God i miss college.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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