I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
If I had your ass I would rule the world
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
