she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I just realized that every possible way I walk to campus I walk by the house of someone I slept with
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
