I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
