C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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