apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
He came home all fucked up crying slammed his bedroom door and all we could hear for about three hours was THIS ISN'T GONA RUIN MYLIFe what happend
I told him I got this chick pregnant and he has to get a new wingman
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
