i'm signing you up for texting rehab
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
Randomize
