he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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