i may or may not be watching the land before time
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
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Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
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