this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
Someone shit on the floor
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
