Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
