He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Do you still have your period?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
