I was just at the urinal, started to go, then farted, then said oh yea out loud, then heard someone move in the stall behind me
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize
