The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
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