dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
