I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
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