waiting in line for my ID. the kid in front of me reaks of hopes and dreams and hornyness-- freshmen by calvin klein
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
