I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize