The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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