Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
After we had sex, she played this little piggy with my toes
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
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