My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
