But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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