jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
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