i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
so let's talk penis.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
