No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Randomize