A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Why did my mother make you get naked?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
