too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
He must have found my secret supply of blow and took a bump before we left the house. Rude.
He could of at least asked
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
