the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Randomize