I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
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