my drunken desire to be gossip girl continues to ruin friendships for me
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
